Lighter Thoughts

Port Tampa United Methodist Church Web Page

Lighter Thoughts

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was
probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known.
>>Will's quotes----
>> > > 01. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
>> > > 02. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
>> > > 03. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman... neither works.
>> > > 04. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
>> > > 05. Always drink upstream from the herd.
>> > > 06. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
>> > > 07. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
>> > > 08. There are three kinds of men.
>> > > The ones that learn by reading.
>> > > The few who learn by observation.
>> > > The rest of them have to wet on the electric fence.
>> > > 09. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
>> > > 10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
>> > > 11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin'
it back.
>> > > 12. AND FINALLY After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt
so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along
and shot him...
>> > > > The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

A Little Bird

One time a little bird, who had put off flying South as long as he could, started the long journey just as the snow flurries had started in earnest. His wings covered with ice and his breath very visible, he decided to rest a few minutes. Spotting a farmyard below, he decided but just as he lit, a cow deposited her load on him. The little bird felt as the whole world had fallen on him. He felt so depressed until he realized he was no longer cold but was very warm. He became so happy he began to sing. Unfortunately in the same barnyard was a cat. Hearing the singing, he searched out the source and ate the little bird.

This sad story has three morals:

Not everyone who makes a deposit on you is your enemy!

Not everyone who digs you out is your friend!

And if your warm and happy, even if it is in a pile of cow manure, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!!!!

..Author Unknown.

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designed as masculine or feminine. "House" in French is feminine- "la maison". "Pencil" in French is masculine- "le crayon". One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups,
appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should
be a masculine or feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine order "la computer" because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later use.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded the computers should be masculine "le computer" because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won!

"I may never see tomorrow, there is no written guarantee,
and the things that happened yesterday, belong to history
I cannot predict the future, I cannot change the past,
I have just the precious present moments,
I must treat it as my last."

"I must use this moment wisely for it soon will pass away,
and be lost forever, as a part of yesterday
I must exercise compassion, help the fallen to their feet,

Be a friend unto the friendless, make an empty life complete.

"The unkind things I do today may never be undone
and the friendships that I fail to win. may nevermore be won,
I may not have another chance on bended knees to pray,
and thank God, with a humble heart for giving me this day."

--Author Unknown